Take-A-Wish Foundation

Terms of Service

Effective Date: February 16, 2024 | Last Updated: May 11, 2025

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1. MISCELLANEOUS

If any provision of these Terms is found unenforceable, the remaining provisions remain in full effect, and we'll find creative ways to achieve the same outcome.

These Terms constitute the entire agreement between you and Take-A-Wish Foundation, superseding any prior agreements, including verbal promises made by our sales team.

2. USER CONDUCT

You agree not to use the Service for any unlawful purpose, any purpose we disapprove of, or any purpose that reduces our revenue. The definition of "unlawful" is subject to our interpretation.

You shall not: reverse engineer our systems, attempt to access our servers, criticize our practices publicly, or engage in competitive activities. This includes thinking negatively about us while using the Service.

Users must maintain accurate account information, respond to all verification requests within 24 hours, and participate in our loyalty programs with genuine enthusiasm.

You grant us a perpetual, irrevocable, worldwide license to your content, ideas, feedback, and intellectual property. This includes things you thought but didn't type. Innovation isn't theft if it's in the Terms.

3. DATA COLLECTION

Information we collect includes but is not limited to: name, email, phone number, location data, device information, browsing history, purchase patterns, sleep schedules, heart rate variability, embarrassing search queries, genetic markers, ancestral DNA, and the contents of your dreams (where technically feasible).

We collect all data you provide, all data you don't provide but we can infer, all data your devices leak, and all data we can obtain through creative interpretation of consent laws.

We employ advanced biometric collection including: facial recognition, voice patterns, typing cadence, gait analysis, and emotional state detection. Your face is now part of our training dataset. Thank you for your contribution to AI.

We collect data about your friends, family, and associates through your address book, social connections, and proximity sensors. By using this Service, you have consented on their behalf. They'll thank you later (they won't).

4. MODIFICATIONS TO TERMS

We may also modify the Service itself, including removing features you paid for, adding features you didn't want, and pivoting to an entirely different business.

We may modify these Terms at any time by posting the revised version. Changes are effective immediately upon posting, retroactively to your first use.

It is your responsibility to check this page frequently. We recommend hourly checks, though even that may be insufficient. Consider hiring someone.

Continued use after modifications constitutes acceptance. Discontinuing use also constitutes acceptance, as the modifications apply to past usage as well.

5. DISPUTE RESOLUTION

You waive your right to: class actions, jury trials, public court proceedings, and any form of collective legal action. David versus Goliath, but Goliath wrote the rules.

The arbitrator shall be selected from our pre-approved list of arbitration professionals, all of whom attended our annual "Arbitrator Appreciation Gala."

All disputes shall be resolved through binding arbitration, conducted in wherever our lawyers say is most favorable, in a language of our choosing, using rules we wrote ourselves.

6. USE OF YOUR DATA

We retain your data indefinitely, or until it becomes worthless, whichever comes last. Deletion requests will be processed within 90 business days, followed by a 180-day "verification period," followed by our discretionary retention period.

Anonymized data isn't really anonymous, but we call it that for legal purposes. Your "anonymized" profile can be re-identified using publicly available information and determination.

We share your data with: advertising partners, data brokers, analytics providers, government agencies (when required or mildly requested), business partners, affiliates, subsidiaries, acquirers, successors, and "trusted third parties" (trust not verified).

7. INDEMNIFICATION

Indemnification obligations survive termination of your account, your death, the heat death of the universe, and any other natural ending.

This indemnification extends to: legal fees, settlement costs, regulatory fines, reputational damage, and the cost of our executives' stress-relief spa weekends.

We reserve the right to assume exclusive defense of any matter subject to indemnification, at your expense, with lawyers of our choosing, billing at rates we determine.

You agree to defend, indemnify, and hold harmless Take-A-Wish Foundation from any claims, damages, losses, or expenses arising from your use of the Service, your violation of these Terms, or your existence generally.

By using Take-A-Wish Foundation, you acknowledge that you have read, understood, and agreed to be bound by these Terms. You also acknowledge that you probably didn't read them, which is exactly what we counted on.