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Generate comprehensive Terms of Service and Privacy Policies in seconds. Because your users won't read them anyway.
Our AI-powered platform generates legally-dense documents that would make Kafka proud.
Our documents include over 200 clauses covering everything from data harvesting to genetic material ownership. Users agree to things they can't even pronounce.
Generate 50,000+ words of impenetrable legalese in under 3 seconds. Each document is uniquely crafted to be maximally incomprehensible.
Our proprietary NebulousLegal AI ensures every sentence contains at least 3 dependent clauses and 2 undefined terms.
Compliant with GDPR, CCPA, and 47 other regulations we claim to understand. Includes automatic jurisdiction shopping.
Advanced blame-shifting technology ensures users are responsible for everything, including acts of God, solar flares, and market fluctuations.
Hidden clauses allow for future monetization opportunities including data resale, biometric licensing, and "experience enhancement fees."
Four simple steps to bulletproof legal coverage.
Just tell us who you are. We'll handle the rest.
From "Startup Friendly" to "Dystopian Megacorp"
Our AI crafts your unique legal masterpiece.
Watch users click "I Agree" without reading.
A sample of our legally-binding prose.
By accessing, viewing, breathing near, or thinking about this Service, you ("the User," "the Data Subject," "the Product") agree to be bound by these Terms, including all provisions you have not read, will not read, and could not understand if you tried.
1. DATA COLLECTION. We collect all data including but not limited to: device information, location data, biometric identifiers, purchasing patterns, sleep schedules, embarrassing search history, genetic sequences, ancestral lineage, future offspring data, and the contents of your refrigerator.
2. DATA USAGE. Your data may be used for: targeted advertising, training AI models, genetic research, predictive behavioral analysis, social credit scoring, insurance underwriting, employment screening, and purposes we will invent later.
3. LIABILITY. Company shall not be liable for: service interruptions, data breaches, identity theft, emotional distress, existential dread, loss of privacy, loss of dignity, loss of hope, or the heat death of the universe.
4. ARBITRATION. All disputes shall be resolved through binding arbitration in international waters, conducted in a language we select at our discretion, with fees paid by you regardless of outcome...
See what our customers are saying.
"Terminal's ToS allowed us to collect user data we didn't even know existed. Our lawyers are thrilled and slightly concerned."
"We've had zero successful lawsuits since implementing Terminal. Mostly because users can't afford the arbitration fees we buried on page 847."
"Finally, legal documents as impenetrable as our technology stack. Our users agree to things they could never understand."
Unlike our Terms of Service.
Join 47,000+ businesses who've outsourced their ethics to us.
*Legal protection not legally guaranteed. By reading this asterisk, you agree to our Terms of Service.