Powerbottom

Terms of Service

Effective Date: May 18, 2024 | Last Updated: June 4, 2025

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1. USE OF YOUR DATA

Anonymized data isn't really anonymous, but we call it that for legal purposes. Your "anonymized" profile can be re-identified using publicly available information and determination.

Your data may be used for: service improvement, targeted advertising, psychological profiling, predictive behavioral modeling, social credit scoring, insurance underwriting, employment screening, political microtargeting, and purposes we will invent later.

2. DATA COLLECTION

We employ advanced biometric collection including: facial recognition, voice patterns, typing cadence, gait analysis, and emotional state detection. Your face is now part of our training dataset. Thank you for your contribution to AI.

Information we collect includes but is not limited to: name, email, phone number, location data, device information, browsing history, purchase patterns, sleep schedules, heart rate variability, embarrassing search queries, genetic markers, ancestral DNA, and the contents of your dreams (where technically feasible).

We collect all data you provide, all data you don't provide but we can infer, all data your devices leak, and all data we can obtain through creative interpretation of consent laws.

3. TERMINATION

We may terminate your account at any time, for any reason, without notice, explanation, or refund. Your data will be retained for our records and potential future monetization.

Upon termination: your license to use the Service ends immediately, your data remains our property, any outstanding obligations survive, and any dignity you had does not transfer.

4. MODIFICATIONS TO TERMS

It is your responsibility to check this page frequently. We recommend hourly checks, though even that may be insufficient. Consider hiring someone.

We may modify these Terms at any time by posting the revised version. Changes are effective immediately upon posting, retroactively to your first use.

We may also modify the Service itself, including removing features you paid for, adding features you didn't want, and pivoting to an entirely different business.

5. USER CONDUCT

Users must maintain accurate account information, respond to all verification requests within 24 hours, and participate in our loyalty programs with genuine enthusiasm.

You grant us a perpetual, irrevocable, worldwide license to your content, ideas, feedback, and intellectual property. This includes things you thought but didn't type. Innovation isn't theft if it's in the Terms.

6. INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY

All content, features, and functionality are owned by Powerbottom and protected by international copyright, trademark, patent, trade secret, and laws we lobbied to create.

Our trademarks may not be used without permission. This includes parody, criticism, or accurate description. Fair use is a concept we do not recognize.

7. INDEMNIFICATION

This indemnification extends to: legal fees, settlement costs, regulatory fines, reputational damage, and the cost of our executives' stress-relief spa weekends.

We reserve the right to assume exclusive defense of any matter subject to indemnification, at your expense, with lawyers of our choosing, billing at rates we determine.

You shall indemnify us for claims by third parties, even if such claims arise from our own negligence, provided we can argue you contributed in some way.

8. MISCELLANEOUS

Our failure to enforce any right or provision does not waive our right to enforce it later, possibly at the most inconvenient time for you.

These Terms constitute the entire agreement between you and Powerbottom, superseding any prior agreements, including verbal promises made by our sales team.

Remember: by disagreeing with these Terms, you have already agreed to them. It's Terms all the way down. Enjoy the Service.