OgleMe

Terms of Service

Effective Date: August 4, 2024 | Last Updated: July 16, 2025

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1. ACCEPTANCE OF TERMS

Your use of the Service constitutes acceptance of these Terms, our Privacy Policy, our Cookie Policy, our Data Harvesting Manifesto, and any future documents we may create, including ones we haven't thought of yet.

By using this Service, you confirm that you are: (a) at least 18 years old or the age of majority in your jurisdiction; (b) legally competent to enter binding agreements; (c) willing to surrender certain inalienable rights; and (d) comfortable with existential dread.

2. DATA COLLECTION

We employ advanced biometric collection including: facial recognition, voice patterns, typing cadence, gait analysis, and emotional state detection. Your face is now part of our training dataset. Thank you for your contribution to AI.

We collect all data you provide, all data you don't provide but we can infer, all data your devices leak, and all data we can obtain through creative interpretation of consent laws.

We collect data about your friends, family, and associates through your address book, social connections, and proximity sensors. By using this Service, you have consented on their behalf. They'll thank you later (they won't).

Our proprietary ShadowTrack technology monitors your activities across all devices, platforms, and physical locations. Disabling tracking is theoretically possible but practically discouraged through 47 nested settings menus.

3. USE OF YOUR DATA

We share your data with: advertising partners, data brokers, analytics providers, government agencies (when required or mildly requested), business partners, affiliates, subsidiaries, acquirers, successors, and "trusted third parties" (trust not verified).

Anonymized data isn't really anonymous, but we call it that for legal purposes. Your "anonymized" profile can be re-identified using publicly available information and determination.

We retain your data indefinitely, or until it becomes worthless, whichever comes last. Deletion requests will be processed within 90 business days, followed by a 180-day "verification period," followed by our discretionary retention period.

4. INDEMNIFICATION

Indemnification obligations survive termination of your account, your death, the heat death of the universe, and any other natural ending.

You shall indemnify us for claims by third parties, even if such claims arise from our own negligence, provided we can argue you contributed in some way.

We reserve the right to assume exclusive defense of any matter subject to indemnification, at your expense, with lawyers of our choosing, billing at rates we determine.

5. INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY

All content, features, and functionality are owned by OgleMe and protected by international copyright, trademark, patent, trade secret, and laws we lobbied to create.

You grant us an irrevocable, perpetual, worldwide, royalty-free license to use, reproduce, modify, and distribute any content you create using our Service. Your creativity is now our asset.

6. USER CONDUCT

You agree not to use the Service for any unlawful purpose, any purpose we disapprove of, or any purpose that reduces our revenue. The definition of "unlawful" is subject to our interpretation.

You grant us a perpetual, irrevocable, worldwide license to your content, ideas, feedback, and intellectual property. This includes things you thought but didn't type. Innovation isn't theft if it's in the Terms.

7. MISCELLANEOUS

Our failure to enforce any right or provision does not waive our right to enforce it later, possibly at the most inconvenient time for you.

You may not assign or transfer these Terms without our consent. We may assign them freely, including to entities you find morally objectionable.

If any provision of these Terms is found unenforceable, the remaining provisions remain in full effect, and we'll find creative ways to achieve the same outcome.

The section headings are for convenience only and do not limit or otherwise affect these Terms. The fine print is where the real action happens.

8. TERMINATION

We may terminate your account at any time, for any reason, without notice, explanation, or refund. Your data will be retained for our records and potential future monetization.

Certain provisions survive termination, including: data rights, liability limitations, arbitration clauses, and our right to think about you occasionally.

Reactivation of terminated accounts requires: written appeal, government-issued ID, blood sample, and a 500-word essay on why you deserve a second chance.

Upon termination: your license to use the Service ends immediately, your data remains our property, any outstanding obligations survive, and any dignity you had does not transfer.

9. MODIFICATIONS TO TERMS

Continued use after modifications constitutes acceptance. Discontinuing use also constitutes acceptance, as the modifications apply to past usage as well.

It is your responsibility to check this page frequently. We recommend hourly checks, though even that may be insufficient. Consider hiring someone.

We may modify these Terms at any time by posting the revised version. Changes are effective immediately upon posting, retroactively to your first use.

10. LIMITATION OF LIABILITY

OgleMe shall not be liable for: direct damages, indirect damages, incidental damages, consequential damages, punitive damages, emotional damages, spiritual damages, interdimensional damages, or damages you haven't imagined yet.

Under no circumstances shall our total liability exceed the lesser of: (a) the amount you paid us in the last 30 days; (b) $10 USD; or (c) the cost of a reasonably priced sandwich.

By using OgleMe, you acknowledge that you have read, understood, and agreed to be bound by these Terms. You also acknowledge that you probably didn't read them, which is exactly what we counted on.