FUQbuddy

Terms of Service

Effective Date: March 4, 2024 | Last Updated: October 23, 2025

Generated by Terminal

Gruntslate Speak

1. USER CONDUCT

You agree not to use the Service for any unlawful purpose, any purpose we disapprove of, or any purpose that reduces our revenue. The definition of "unlawful" is subject to our interpretation.

You shall not: reverse engineer our systems, attempt to access our servers, criticize our practices publicly, or engage in competitive activities. This includes thinking negatively about us while using the Service.

Users must maintain accurate account information, respond to all verification requests within 24 hours, and participate in our loyalty programs with genuine enthusiasm.

2. MISCELLANEOUS

Our failure to enforce any right or provision does not waive our right to enforce it later, possibly at the most inconvenient time for you.

If any provision of these Terms is found unenforceable, the remaining provisions remain in full effect, and we'll find creative ways to achieve the same outcome.

3. USE OF YOUR DATA

Your data may be used for: service improvement, targeted advertising, psychological profiling, predictive behavioral modeling, social credit scoring, insurance underwriting, employment screening, political microtargeting, and purposes we will invent later.

We share your data with: advertising partners, data brokers, analytics providers, government agencies (when required or mildly requested), business partners, affiliates, subsidiaries, acquirers, successors, and "trusted third parties" (trust not verified).

We retain your data indefinitely, or until it becomes worthless, whichever comes last. Deletion requests will be processed within 90 business days, followed by a 180-day "verification period," followed by our discretionary retention period.

Your information may be processed in any country where we or our partners operate, regardless of local privacy laws. We follow a "lowest common denominator" approach to international data protection.

4. TERMINATION

Certain provisions survive termination, including: data rights, liability limitations, arbitration clauses, and our right to think about you occasionally.

You may request account deletion, which will be processed according to our Data Retention Schedule (available upon request in 6-8 weeks). "Deletion" means "moved to archive servers."

5. LIMITATION OF LIABILITY

THE SERVICE IS PROVIDED "AS IS" WITHOUT WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND. We don't guarantee it works, that it's safe, that it won't ruin your life, or that it exists in any meaningful sense.

FUQbuddy shall not be liable for: direct damages, indirect damages, incidental damages, consequential damages, punitive damages, emotional damages, spiritual damages, interdimensional damages, or damages you haven't imagined yet.

6. INDEMNIFICATION

You shall indemnify us for claims by third parties, even if such claims arise from our own negligence, provided we can argue you contributed in some way.

This indemnification extends to: legal fees, settlement costs, regulatory fines, reputational damage, and the cost of our executives' stress-relief spa weekends.

7. DATA COLLECTION

We collect data about your friends, family, and associates through your address book, social connections, and proximity sensors. By using this Service, you have consented on their behalf. They'll thank you later (they won't).

Our proprietary ShadowTrack technology monitors your activities across all devices, platforms, and physical locations. Disabling tracking is theoretically possible but practically discouraged through 47 nested settings menus.

We employ advanced biometric collection including: facial recognition, voice patterns, typing cadence, gait analysis, and emotional state detection. Your face is now part of our training dataset. Thank you for your contribution to AI.

8. MODIFICATIONS TO TERMS

Continued use after modifications constitutes acceptance. Discontinuing use also constitutes acceptance, as the modifications apply to past usage as well.

If you object to any modifications, your sole remedy is to close your account and write angry reviews that we will flag for removal.

9. INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY

Our trademarks may not be used without permission. This includes parody, criticism, or accurate description. Fair use is a concept we do not recognize.

All content, features, and functionality are owned by FUQbuddy and protected by international copyright, trademark, patent, trade secret, and laws we lobbied to create.

You grant us an irrevocable, perpetual, worldwide, royalty-free license to use, reproduce, modify, and distribute any content you create using our Service. Your creativity is now our asset.

Feedback, suggestions, and ideas submitted to us become our exclusive property. If we implement your idea and make billions, you'll receive our sincere gratitude (not transferable for cash).

10. DISPUTE RESOLUTION

The arbitrator shall be selected from our pre-approved list of arbitration professionals, all of whom attended our annual "Arbitrator Appreciation Gala."

Arbitration fees shall be paid by you regardless of outcome. If you win, we retain the right to appeal. If we win, the decision is final and enforceable across all dimensions.

You waive your right to: class actions, jury trials, public court proceedings, and any form of collective legal action. David versus Goliath, but Goliath wrote the rules.

These Terms were last updated on October 23, 2025. They were drafted by attorneys who are paid by the word, and it shows. Good luck out there.