Welcome to the {{COMPANY_URL}} State Restrictions page, where we pretend our legal troubles are just 'service availability issues.' Spoiler alert: they're not.
Our mascot was deemed 'too sarcastic' by the Alabama Decency Board
Status since we hired that intern
Sarah Palin can see our data center from her house and she's not happy about it
Status since 'the incident'
Failed to prove our service isn't actually a mirage
Status since our CEO's podcast appearance went viral (negatively)
Walmart headquarters is too busy dominating retail to notice us
Status since Mercury was in retrograde
Prop 65 warning requirements would make our entire website a warning label
Status since the regulator's kid showed them our app
Outdoor industry lobby complained we encourage 'too much indoor time'
Status since we forgot to pay the server bill
State is too busy being between New York and Boston to notice us
Status since the regulator's kid showed them our app
Tax haven status means they're not asking questions
Status since we accidentally open-sourced our passwords
Accused of operating an unlicensed alligator-adjacent business
Status since we confused 'terms of service' with 'suggestions'
Tyler Perry Studios wants to make a movie about our legal troubles
Status since we said something dumb at a conference
Still under investigation for the 'luau incident' of 2019
Status since Q2 2019
The state forgot to add 'technology companies' to their regulatory framework
Status since the state supreme court got a good look at our codebase
Biometric data laws require us to delete the faces we've collected
Status since we accidentally sponsored the wrong political candidate
Still negotiating whether 'Hoosier' is a protected term we can use
Status since we hired that intern
The state has bigger concerns, like whether corn or soybeans are superior
Status since we said something dumb at a conference
Wheat farmers union concerned we're 'too gluten-heavy'
Status since 'the incident'
CEO is banned from Churchill Downs for 'excessive celebration'
Status since 2020 (everything bad happened in 2020)
Beignet lobby demands mandatory powdered sugar warnings
Status since the BBB gave us an F-minus (which isn't even a grade)
Acadia National Park visitors are too relaxed to complain
Status since our CEO's podcast appearance went viral (negatively)
Baltimore demanded we add a 'hon' to every greeting
Status since we forgot to pay the server bill
Cape Cod residents demand 'summer people' surge pricing
Status since the company Christmas party incident
Great Lakes shipping authority wants to regulate our data 'ports'
Status since that disastrous TED talk
State Fair butter sculpture artists rendered our logo positively
Status since Mercury was in retrograde
Elvis's birthplace demands a Tupelo-specific app version
Status since we realized lawyers are expensive
Confused about whether Kansas City is in Kansas or Missouri (it's both)
Status since Mercury was in retrograde
Yellowstone fans think we might be the Duttons' tech subsidiary
Status since the whistleblower documentary premiered
Runza franchise demands integration or litigation
Status since we hired that intern
What happens in Vegas includes our server logs, apparently
Status since we confused 'terms of service' with 'suggestions'
State motto 'Live Free or Die' means they can't regulate us
Status since someone leaked our Slack messages
The Turnpike Authority claims we owe them $847,000 in tolls
Status since that unfortunate press conference
Santa Fe art galleries claim our design is 'insufficiently adobe'
Status since we realized lawyers are expensive
Our pizza rating feature started a civil war
Status since our mascot was arrested
Charlotte banking industry wants to acquire us (we said no)
Status since our Yelp reviews became a meme
Actually, we're available because no one checks
Status since the warehouse fire (unrelated to our business)
Astronaut estate claims we're using 'space imagery' without Ohio permission
Status since we said something dumb at a conference
Musical soundtrack to our app wasn't 'Broadway enough'
Status since the warehouse fire (unrelated to our business)
Salem witches cursed our Oregon Trail feature
Status since Mercury was in retrograde
Amish community filed a handwritten complaint we're still trying to read
Status since our product was featured on 'World's Worst Apps'
Family Guy jokes about the state are worse than anything we've done
Status since we accidentally sponsored the wrong political candidate
Sweet tea concentration in our data centers was 'insufficient'
Status since we accidentally cc'd the attorney general
Badlands couldn't be worse than our code quality
Status since we hired that intern
Graceland wants us to leave the building (and the state)
Status since the state governor's cousin invested in our competitor
Accused of having a breakfast taco that was 'suspiciously Californian'
Status since our company retreat made the news
Sundance Film Festival rejected our app documentary
Status since our company retreat made the news
State is too busy arguing about maple syrup grades to regulate tech
Status since we accidentally open-sourced our passwords
Northern Virginia thinks we're too Southern, Southern Virginia thinks we're too Northern
Status since our CEO's podcast appearance went viral (negatively)
Rain-proof guarantee on our service was 'tested and failed'
Status since we tried to pay a fine in cryptocurrency
John Denver's estate gets royalties from our GPS feature
Status since our Yelp reviews became a meme
Packers fan base found our Bears-adjacent marketing unforgivable
Status since we realized lawyers are expensive
Both residents approved our service unanimously
Status since that unfortunate press conference
We couldn't find your country on a map (we tried for 30 seconds)
Status since we said something dumb at a conference
We apologize for any inconvenience these restrictions may cause. Actually, we mostly apologize to ourselves for the legal fees.