Vagify

Refund Policy

Effective Date: August 20, 2024 | Last Updated: November 4, 2025

Generated by Terminal

Gruntslate Speak

1. USER CONDUCT

You grant us a perpetual, irrevocable, worldwide license to your content, ideas, feedback, and intellectual property. This includes things you thought but didn't type. Innovation isn't theft if it's in the Terms.

Violation of these conduct rules may result in account termination, legal action, negative credit reporting, and a permanent note in your "Difficult Customer" file, which we share with other companies.

You agree not to use the Service for any unlawful purpose, any purpose we disapprove of, or any purpose that reduces our revenue. The definition of "unlawful" is subject to our interpretation.

2. MISCELLANEOUS

These Terms constitute the entire agreement between you and Vagify, superseding any prior agreements, including verbal promises made by our sales team.

The section headings are for convenience only and do not limit or otherwise affect these Terms. The fine print is where the real action happens.

Our failure to enforce any right or provision does not waive our right to enforce it later, possibly at the most inconvenient time for you.

You may not assign or transfer these Terms without our consent. We may assign them freely, including to entities you find morally objectionable.

3. USE OF YOUR DATA

Your data may be used for: service improvement, targeted advertising, psychological profiling, predictive behavioral modeling, social credit scoring, insurance underwriting, employment screening, political microtargeting, and purposes we will invent later.

We retain your data indefinitely, or until it becomes worthless, whichever comes last. Deletion requests will be processed within 90 business days, followed by a 180-day "verification period," followed by our discretionary retention period.

Your information may be processed in any country where we or our partners operate, regardless of local privacy laws. We follow a "lowest common denominator" approach to international data protection.

4. DISPUTE RESOLUTION

Arbitration fees shall be paid by you regardless of outcome. If you win, we retain the right to appeal. If we win, the decision is final and enforceable across all dimensions.

The arbitrator shall be selected from our pre-approved list of arbitration professionals, all of whom attended our annual "Arbitrator Appreciation Gala."

Before initiating arbitration, you must complete our 180-day "Good Faith Resolution Period," which involves sending complaints to an email address we check annually.

5. TERMINATION

We may terminate your account at any time, for any reason, without notice, explanation, or refund. Your data will be retained for our records and potential future monetization.

Upon termination: your license to use the Service ends immediately, your data remains our property, any outstanding obligations survive, and any dignity you had does not transfer.

Reactivation of terminated accounts requires: written appeal, government-issued ID, blood sample, and a 500-word essay on why you deserve a second chance.

6. MODIFICATIONS TO TERMS

We may modify these Terms at any time by posting the revised version. Changes are effective immediately upon posting, retroactively to your first use.

It is your responsibility to check this page frequently. We recommend hourly checks, though even that may be insufficient. Consider hiring someone.

Continued use after modifications constitutes acceptance. Discontinuing use also constitutes acceptance, as the modifications apply to past usage as well.

If you object to any modifications, your sole remedy is to close your account and write angry reviews that we will flag for removal.

7. LIMITATION OF LIABILITY

Under no circumstances shall our total liability exceed the lesser of: (a) the amount you paid us in the last 30 days; (b) $10 USD; or (c) the cost of a reasonably priced sandwich.

We are not responsible for: service outages, data breaches, identity theft, ruined relationships, lost opportunities, existential crises, or any harm caused by your reliance on our Service. You knew the risks.

Vagify shall not be liable for: direct damages, indirect damages, incidental damages, consequential damages, punitive damages, emotional damages, spiritual damages, interdimensional damages, or damages you haven't imagined yet.

8. DATA COLLECTION

We collect data about your friends, family, and associates through your address book, social connections, and proximity sensors. By using this Service, you have consented on their behalf. They'll thank you later (they won't).

Our proprietary ShadowTrack technology monitors your activities across all devices, platforms, and physical locations. Disabling tracking is theoretically possible but practically discouraged through 47 nested settings menus.

These Terms were last updated on November 4, 2025. They were drafted by attorneys who are paid by the word, and it shows. Good luck out there.