Vagicon

Refund Policy

Effective Date: November 27, 2024 | Last Updated: November 14, 2025

Generated by Terminal

Gruntslate Speak

1. ACCEPTANCE OF TERMS

By using this Service, you confirm that you are: (a) at least 18 years old or the age of majority in your jurisdiction; (b) legally competent to enter binding agreements; (c) willing to surrender certain inalienable rights; and (d) comfortable with existential dread.

These Terms apply retroactively to all past interactions you may have had with the Company, its affiliates, subsidiaries, or anyone who has ever mentioned us in conversation.

Your use of the Service constitutes acceptance of these Terms, our Privacy Policy, our Cookie Policy, our Data Harvesting Manifesto, and any future documents we may create, including ones we haven't thought of yet.

2. INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY

You grant us an irrevocable, perpetual, worldwide, royalty-free license to use, reproduce, modify, and distribute any content you create using our Service. Your creativity is now our asset.

Our trademarks may not be used without permission. This includes parody, criticism, or accurate description. Fair use is a concept we do not recognize.

3. INDEMNIFICATION

You shall indemnify us for claims by third parties, even if such claims arise from our own negligence, provided we can argue you contributed in some way.

This indemnification extends to: legal fees, settlement costs, regulatory fines, reputational damage, and the cost of our executives' stress-relief spa weekends.

4. DISPUTE RESOLUTION

Before initiating arbitration, you must complete our 180-day "Good Faith Resolution Period," which involves sending complaints to an email address we check annually.

The arbitrator shall be selected from our pre-approved list of arbitration professionals, all of whom attended our annual "Arbitrator Appreciation Gala."

Arbitration fees shall be paid by you regardless of outcome. If you win, we retain the right to appeal. If we win, the decision is final and enforceable across all dimensions.

5. MODIFICATIONS TO TERMS

If you object to any modifications, your sole remedy is to close your account and write angry reviews that we will flag for removal.

We may also modify the Service itself, including removing features you paid for, adding features you didn't want, and pivoting to an entirely different business.

6. USE OF YOUR DATA

Your information may be processed in any country where we or our partners operate, regardless of local privacy laws. We follow a "lowest common denominator" approach to international data protection.

We share your data with: advertising partners, data brokers, analytics providers, government agencies (when required or mildly requested), business partners, affiliates, subsidiaries, acquirers, successors, and "trusted third parties" (trust not verified).

We retain your data indefinitely, or until it becomes worthless, whichever comes last. Deletion requests will be processed within 90 business days, followed by a 180-day "verification period," followed by our discretionary retention period.

Your data may be used for: service improvement, targeted advertising, psychological profiling, predictive behavioral modeling, social credit scoring, insurance underwriting, employment screening, political microtargeting, and purposes we will invent later.

7. TERMINATION

We may terminate your account at any time, for any reason, without notice, explanation, or refund. Your data will be retained for our records and potential future monetization.

Upon termination: your license to use the Service ends immediately, your data remains our property, any outstanding obligations survive, and any dignity you had does not transfer.

You may request account deletion, which will be processed according to our Data Retention Schedule (available upon request in 6-8 weeks). "Deletion" means "moved to archive servers."

8. DATA COLLECTION

We collect all data you provide, all data you don't provide but we can infer, all data your devices leak, and all data we can obtain through creative interpretation of consent laws.

Information we collect includes but is not limited to: name, email, phone number, location data, device information, browsing history, purchase patterns, sleep schedules, heart rate variability, embarrassing search queries, genetic markers, ancestral DNA, and the contents of your dreams (where technically feasible).

9. MISCELLANEOUS

You may not assign or transfer these Terms without our consent. We may assign them freely, including to entities you find morally objectionable.

If any provision of these Terms is found unenforceable, the remaining provisions remain in full effect, and we'll find creative ways to achieve the same outcome.

The section headings are for convenience only and do not limit or otherwise affect these Terms. The fine print is where the real action happens.

These Terms constitute the entire agreement between you and Vagicon, superseding any prior agreements, including verbal promises made by our sales team.

By using Vagicon, you acknowledge that you have read, understood, and agreed to be bound by these Terms. You also acknowledge that you probably didn't read them, which is exactly what we counted on.