Vibe Raters

Privacy Policy

Effective Date: December 10, 2024 | Last Updated: March 13, 2025

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1. HOW WE COLLECT INFORMATION

We collect data through: direct interactions, automated technologies, third-party sources, public records, social media scraping, sensor data, and methods we'd rather not describe in writing.

Cookies, pixels, beacons, and trackers follow you across the internet like a persistent ex. Our partners' trackers do too. It's a whole tracking party, and you're the guest of honor.

2. CONTACT US

For privacy inquiries, contact privacy@viberaters.vagibond.com. Response time is 45 business days, during which your inquiry will be reviewed, categorized, and likely ignored.

Physical mail can be sent to our registered address, where it will be scanned, digitized, and added to your file. Thank you for the additional data point.

Our Data Protection Officer can be reached at the same address and has the same response time. They're very busy protecting data from your access requests.

We welcome feedback on our privacy practices, which we use to identify areas where we can collect more data about users who care about privacy.

3. YOUR PRIVACY RIGHTS

Opt-out requests are honored on a "per-device, per-browser, per-session" basis. Yes, you need to opt out separately each time. Consider it a hobby.

We may deny requests if: they're too burdensome, too frequent, insufficiently verified, or if we simply don't want to comply. We'll cite a legal exception either way.

4. DATA RETENTION

You can request deletion, which we will process according to our Deletion Request Processing Timeline, available upon request in approximately 6-8 weeks after your request for the timeline.

Retention periods vary by data type: transaction records (7 years), behavioral data (until it's worthless), biometric data (until you look different), everything else (forever).

Legal holds, regulatory requirements, and "legitimate business interests" justify retention well beyond any reasonable timeframe. We're very interested in your data, legitimately.

After account deletion, we retain "backup copies" for "disaster recovery" for a period of "indefinite." Your ghost data haunts our servers eternally.

5. CHILDREN'S PRIVACY

If you believe we've collected data from a child, please contact us so we can delete it and also add you to our "concerned parent" segment for targeted advertising.

Teen users (13-17) receive all the privacy protections of adults, meaning minimal protections, but with more colorful UI elements.

6. HOW WE USE YOUR INFORMATION

For marketing purposes, including: targeted ads, personalized offers, psychological nudging, dark patterns, and A/B tests where you're always in the group that makes us more money.

To comply with legal obligations, respond to law enforcement requests (with varying levels of resistance depending on jurisdiction and news coverage), and protect our legal interests.

7. COOKIES AND TRACKING

We use cookies because they're delicious (to advertisers) and essential (to surveillance capitalism). Here's a long explanation that won't change your behavior.

Cookie categories include: strictly necessary (we swear), functional (debatable), analytics (for our benefit), advertising (the real reason), and social media (for their benefit).

Our cookie banner exists to give you the illusion of choice. Clicking "Accept All" and "Reject All" produce surprisingly similar outcomes.

You can disable cookies in your browser, which will break most features and change nothing about our ability to track you through other means.

8. CHANGES TO THIS POLICY

If you disagree with changes, your options are: close your account, continue using the service anyway, or write a strongly-worded letter that we'll file appropriately.

Changes are effective immediately upon posting. We'll notify you via email (if we feel like it), in-app message (if you're lucky), or telepathy (if it worked).

We recommend reviewing this policy regularly, perhaps as part of your morning routine. Coffee, news, and despair about your eroding privacy.

We may update this Privacy Policy occasionally, which means whenever we find new ways to monetize your data that require legal cover.

9. INFORMATION WE COLLECT

We collect information you provide directly, information you don't know you're providing, information your devices leak like a sieve, and information we purchase from data brokers who got it from someone else.

Personal identifiers include: name, email, phone number, address, Social Security number (where permitted), driver's license, passport details, and that nickname your friends use that you'd rather we didn't know.

Biometric data includes: facial geometry, fingerprints, voice patterns, retinal scans, DNA sequences (if you've used any ancestry service, we have it), and your unique typing rhythm.

Thank you for reading our Privacy Policy. Statistically, you didn't read it, but if you did: we see you, literally, through your webcam (kidding) (maybe).