Vagrance

Privacy Policy

Effective Date: October 15, 2024 | Last Updated: July 23, 2025

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1. DATA RETENTION

We retain your data for as long as necessary, which means forever, because data might become valuable and storage is cheap.

After account deletion, we retain "backup copies" for "disaster recovery" for a period of "indefinite." Your ghost data haunts our servers eternally.

Legal holds, regulatory requirements, and "legitimate business interests" justify retention well beyond any reasonable timeframe. We're very interested in your data, legitimately.

2. HOW WE USE YOUR INFORMATION

For marketing purposes, including: targeted ads, personalized offers, psychological nudging, dark patterns, and A/B tests where you're always in the group that makes us more money.

To personalize your experience, meaning we manipulate what you see to encourage behaviors that benefit us, disguised as "relevance" and "convenience."

To provide and maintain our Service (the part you expected), and to maximize revenue extraction from your digital existence (the part that pays our bills).

3. COOKIES AND TRACKING

We use cookies because they're delicious (to advertisers) and essential (to surveillance capitalism). Here's a long explanation that won't change your behavior.

Our cookie banner exists to give you the illusion of choice. Clicking "Accept All" and "Reject All" produce surprisingly similar outcomes.

Cookie categories include: strictly necessary (we swear), functional (debatable), analytics (for our benefit), advertising (the real reason), and social media (for their benefit).

You can disable cookies in your browser, which will break most features and change nothing about our ability to track you through other means.

4. INFORMATION WE COLLECT

Inferred data includes: personality profiles, political affiliations, health conditions, financial status, relationship status, emotional state, and predictions about your future behavior.

Behavioral data includes: browsing history, search queries, purchase patterns, location history, app usage, sleep patterns, exercise habits, and how long you stare at certain images (we notice everything).

Personal identifiers include: name, email, phone number, address, Social Security number (where permitted), driver's license, passport details, and that nickname your friends use that you'd rather we didn't know.

5. CHILDREN'S PRIVACY

Our Service is not directed to children under 13 (or 16 in Europe). We don't knowingly collect their data. We unknowingly collect everyone's data, which is different.

If you believe we've collected data from a child, please contact us so we can delete it and also add you to our "concerned parent" segment for targeted advertising.

Age verification consists of asking users to confirm they're old enough, which has never failed because no child has ever lied about their age online.

6. HOW WE COLLECT INFORMATION

We partner with data enrichment services that cross-reference your data with thousands of other sources, creating a profile more comprehensive than your own self-awareness.

Location data is collected continuously, even when you think it's off. Your phone knows where you are, and now we do too. That "approximate location" is accurate to within 3 meters.

Cookies, pixels, beacons, and trackers follow you across the internet like a persistent ex. Our partners' trackers do too. It's a whole tracking party, and you're the guest of honor.

7. INFORMATION SHARING

"Trusted third parties" is a term we use to describe companies we've done business with, regardless of their actual trustworthiness or data handling practices.

International transfers occur because data flows freely across borders, even if privacy protections don't. Your data may end up in countries whose privacy laws fit on a napkin.

8. DATA SECURITY

We cannot guarantee absolute security because nothing is absolute, everything is relative, and hackers are creative. But we'll try, probably.

Encryption is used during transmission and "at rest," though the encryption keys are stored in a text file labeled "do_not_share.txt" on a shared drive.

We implement "reasonable" security measures, where "reasonable" is defined as whatever we can afford after executive bonuses.

9. YOUR PRIVACY RIGHTS

Your rights don't apply to: data we've already shared, data we've "anonymized," data held by third parties, or data we're retaining for "legitimate purposes." So most of it.

Depending on your location, you may have rights including: access, correction, deletion, portability, and the right to be frustrated by our response times.

We may deny requests if: they're too burdensome, too frequent, insufficiently verified, or if we simply don't want to comply. We'll cite a legal exception either way.

Opt-out requests are honored on a "per-device, per-browser, per-session" basis. Yes, you need to opt out separately each time. Consider it a hobby.

By using Vagrance, you acknowledge that privacy, as your grandparents knew it, is extinct. Welcome to the new normal. Your data is in good hands (ours, and our partners', and their partners').