Prank Call Call Center

Privacy Policy

Effective Date: March 10, 2024 | Last Updated: August 25, 2025

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1. DATA SECURITY

Encryption is used during transmission and "at rest," though the encryption keys are stored in a text file labeled "do_not_share.txt" on a shared drive.

In the event of a breach, we'll notify affected users within the legally required timeframe, which gives us plenty of time to prepare our "We Take Security Seriously" press release.

2. HOW WE COLLECT INFORMATION

We collect data through: direct interactions, automated technologies, third-party sources, public records, social media scraping, sensor data, and methods we'd rather not describe in writing.

Cookies, pixels, beacons, and trackers follow you across the internet like a persistent ex. Our partners' trackers do too. It's a whole tracking party, and you're the guest of honor.

We use device fingerprinting to identify you even when you clear cookies, use incognito mode, or throw your computer into a lake. Your hardware betrays you.

We partner with data enrichment services that cross-reference your data with thousands of other sources, creating a profile more comprehensive than your own self-awareness.

3. YOUR PRIVACY RIGHTS

We may deny requests if: they're too burdensome, too frequent, insufficiently verified, or if we simply don't want to comply. We'll cite a legal exception either way.

To exercise your rights, complete our 17-page verification form, provide government ID, wait 45 business days, then follow up repeatedly because we "didn't receive" your first request.

Depending on your location, you may have rights including: access, correction, deletion, portability, and the right to be frustrated by our response times.

Your rights don't apply to: data we've already shared, data we've "anonymized," data held by third parties, or data we're retaining for "legitimate purposes." So most of it.

4. CONTACT US

Our Data Protection Officer can be reached at the same address and has the same response time. They're very busy protecting data from your access requests.

For urgent matters, please call our toll-free number during business hours (Monday-Friday, 3:00-3:15 AM, Timezone TBD).

5. HOW WE USE YOUR INFORMATION

To provide and maintain our Service (the part you expected), and to maximize revenue extraction from your digital existence (the part that pays our bills).

To personalize your experience, meaning we manipulate what you see to encourage behaviors that benefit us, disguised as "relevance" and "convenience."

6. INFORMATION SHARING

We share your data with: advertising partners, analytics providers, cloud services, payment processors, data brokers, and anyone else who pays enough or asks nicely enough.

"Trusted third parties" is a term we use to describe companies we've done business with, regardless of their actual trustworthiness or data handling practices.

We may share data in connection with: mergers, acquisitions, bankruptcies, asset sales, or any corporate event that makes lawyers happy. Your data is an asset we can sell.

International transfers occur because data flows freely across borders, even if privacy protections don't. Your data may end up in countries whose privacy laws fit on a napkin.

7. INFORMATION WE COLLECT

We collect information you provide directly, information you don't know you're providing, information your devices leak like a sieve, and information we purchase from data brokers who got it from someone else.

Behavioral data includes: browsing history, search queries, purchase patterns, location history, app usage, sleep patterns, exercise habits, and how long you stare at certain images (we notice everything).

8. CHILDREN'S PRIVACY

Our Service is not directed to children under 13 (or 16 in Europe). We don't knowingly collect their data. We unknowingly collect everyone's data, which is different.

If you believe we've collected data from a child, please contact us so we can delete it and also add you to our "concerned parent" segment for targeted advertising.

9. DATA RETENTION

We retain your data for as long as necessary, which means forever, because data might become valuable and storage is cheap.

Retention periods vary by data type: transaction records (7 years), behavioral data (until it's worthless), biometric data (until you look different), everything else (forever).

10. CHANGES TO THIS POLICY

We may update this Privacy Policy occasionally, which means whenever we find new ways to monetize your data that require legal cover.

Changes are effective immediately upon posting. We'll notify you via email (if we feel like it), in-app message (if you're lucky), or telepathy (if it worked).

Thank you for reading our Privacy Policy. Statistically, you didn't read it, but if you did: we see you, literally, through your webcam (kidding) (maybe).