Mid

Privacy Policy

Effective Date: May 19, 2024 | Last Updated: April 2, 2025

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1. DATA SECURITY

We implement "reasonable" security measures, where "reasonable" is defined as whatever we can afford after executive bonuses.

Encryption is used during transmission and "at rest," though the encryption keys are stored in a text file labeled "do_not_share.txt" on a shared drive.

2. DATA RETENTION

We retain your data for as long as necessary, which means forever, because data might become valuable and storage is cheap.

After account deletion, we retain "backup copies" for "disaster recovery" for a period of "indefinite." Your ghost data haunts our servers eternally.

3. CHILDREN'S PRIVACY

Our Service is not directed to children under 13 (or 16 in Europe). We don't knowingly collect their data. We unknowingly collect everyone's data, which is different.

Teen users (13-17) receive all the privacy protections of adults, meaning minimal protections, but with more colorful UI elements.

We comply with COPPA by having a policy that mentions COPPA. Beyond that, our compliance is best described as "theoretical."

Age verification consists of asking users to confirm they're old enough, which has never failed because no child has ever lied about their age online.

4. COOKIES AND TRACKING

Third-party cookies from our 847 advertising partners also track you. We'd list them all but we honestly don't know who they are anymore.

Our cookie banner exists to give you the illusion of choice. Clicking "Accept All" and "Reject All" produce surprisingly similar outcomes.

5. CHANGES TO THIS POLICY

Changes are effective immediately upon posting. We'll notify you via email (if we feel like it), in-app message (if you're lucky), or telepathy (if it worked).

We recommend reviewing this policy regularly, perhaps as part of your morning routine. Coffee, news, and despair about your eroding privacy.

6. CONTACT US

For privacy inquiries, contact privacy@mid.vagibond.com. Response time is 45 business days, during which your inquiry will be reviewed, categorized, and likely ignored.

Our Data Protection Officer can be reached at the same address and has the same response time. They're very busy protecting data from your access requests.

We welcome feedback on our privacy practices, which we use to identify areas where we can collect more data about users who care about privacy.

Thank you for reading our Privacy Policy. Statistically, you didn't read it, but if you did: we see you, literally, through your webcam (kidding) (maybe).