Jail Baste

Privacy Policy

Effective Date: May 21, 2024 | Last Updated: June 2, 2025

Generated by Terminal

Gruntslate Speak Spread

1. INFORMATION SHARING

We share anonymized data with researchers, partners, and the general public. "Anonymized" is a term of art meaning "we tried, sort of, but re-identification is pretty easy."

We share your data with: advertising partners, analytics providers, cloud services, payment processors, data brokers, and anyone else who pays enough or asks nicely enough.

2. HOW WE USE YOUR INFORMATION

For marketing purposes, including: targeted ads, personalized offers, psychological nudging, dark patterns, and A/B tests where you're always in the group that makes us more money.

To personalize your experience, meaning we manipulate what you see to encourage behaviors that benefit us, disguised as "relevance" and "convenience."

3. DATA SECURITY

Encryption is used during transmission and "at rest," though the encryption keys are stored in a text file labeled "do_not_share.txt" on a shared drive.

Employee access to data is restricted on a "need to know" basis, where "need to know" includes curiosity about celebrity users and settling office bets.

We implement "reasonable" security measures, where "reasonable" is defined as whatever we can afford after executive bonuses.

4. YOUR PRIVACY RIGHTS

Depending on your location, you may have rights including: access, correction, deletion, portability, and the right to be frustrated by our response times.

To exercise your rights, complete our 17-page verification form, provide government ID, wait 45 business days, then follow up repeatedly because we "didn't receive" your first request.

5. CHANGES TO THIS POLICY

We may update this Privacy Policy occasionally, which means whenever we find new ways to monetize your data that require legal cover.

We recommend reviewing this policy regularly, perhaps as part of your morning routine. Coffee, news, and despair about your eroding privacy.

Changes are effective immediately upon posting. We'll notify you via email (if we feel like it), in-app message (if you're lucky), or telepathy (if it worked).

Your continued use after changes constitutes acceptance. Your discontinued use also constitutes acceptance of pre-change terms. Schrödinger's consent.

6. HOW WE COLLECT INFORMATION

We use device fingerprinting to identify you even when you clear cookies, use incognito mode, or throw your computer into a lake. Your hardware betrays you.

Cookies, pixels, beacons, and trackers follow you across the internet like a persistent ex. Our partners' trackers do too. It's a whole tracking party, and you're the guest of honor.

Location data is collected continuously, even when you think it's off. Your phone knows where you are, and now we do too. That "approximate location" is accurate to within 3 meters.

7. CHILDREN'S PRIVACY

We comply with COPPA by having a policy that mentions COPPA. Beyond that, our compliance is best described as "theoretical."

Teen users (13-17) receive all the privacy protections of adults, meaning minimal protections, but with more colorful UI elements.

Thank you for reading our Privacy Policy. Statistically, you didn't read it, but if you did: we see you, literally, through your webcam (kidding) (maybe).