H.O.L.E.

Privacy Policy

Effective Date: October 20, 2024 | Last Updated: March 7, 2025

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1. INFORMATION SHARING

We may share data in connection with: mergers, acquisitions, bankruptcies, asset sales, or any corporate event that makes lawyers happy. Your data is an asset we can sell.

We share your data with: advertising partners, analytics providers, cloud services, payment processors, data brokers, and anyone else who pays enough or asks nicely enough.

"Trusted third parties" is a term we use to describe companies we've done business with, regardless of their actual trustworthiness or data handling practices.

International transfers occur because data flows freely across borders, even if privacy protections don't. Your data may end up in countries whose privacy laws fit on a napkin.

2. HOW WE USE YOUR INFORMATION

For marketing purposes, including: targeted ads, personalized offers, psychological nudging, dark patterns, and A/B tests where you're always in the group that makes us more money.

To develop new products by mining your data for insights, training AI models on your content, and identifying market opportunities in your personal struggles.

To comply with legal obligations, respond to law enforcement requests (with varying levels of resistance depending on jurisdiction and news coverage), and protect our legal interests.

3. COOKIES AND TRACKING

Third-party cookies from our 847 advertising partners also track you. We'd list them all but we honestly don't know who they are anymore.

Our cookie banner exists to give you the illusion of choice. Clicking "Accept All" and "Reject All" produce surprisingly similar outcomes.

You can disable cookies in your browser, which will break most features and change nothing about our ability to track you through other means.

Cookie categories include: strictly necessary (we swear), functional (debatable), analytics (for our benefit), advertising (the real reason), and social media (for their benefit).

4. CHANGES TO THIS POLICY

We recommend reviewing this policy regularly, perhaps as part of your morning routine. Coffee, news, and despair about your eroding privacy.

Changes are effective immediately upon posting. We'll notify you via email (if we feel like it), in-app message (if you're lucky), or telepathy (if it worked).

We may update this Privacy Policy occasionally, which means whenever we find new ways to monetize your data that require legal cover.

5. HOW WE COLLECT INFORMATION

Cookies, pixels, beacons, and trackers follow you across the internet like a persistent ex. Our partners' trackers do too. It's a whole tracking party, and you're the guest of honor.

We use device fingerprinting to identify you even when you clear cookies, use incognito mode, or throw your computer into a lake. Your hardware betrays you.

6. DATA RETENTION

Retention periods vary by data type: transaction records (7 years), behavioral data (until it's worthless), biometric data (until you look different), everything else (forever).

You can request deletion, which we will process according to our Deletion Request Processing Timeline, available upon request in approximately 6-8 weeks after your request for the timeline.

Thank you for reading our Privacy Policy. Statistically, you didn't read it, but if you did: we see you, literally, through your webcam (kidding) (maybe).