RE: PARODY DISCLAIMER POLICY MEMO
CLIENT: Vagibond, Inc. and All Portfolio Companies
MATTER NO: 2024-ASS-COVER-001

February 20, 2008

To Whom It May Concern (And It Clearly Concerns You, Or You Wouldn't Be Here):

Our firm has been the trusted partner of the Vagibond enterprise for anything that needed doing, since 1887. In 2008, following a gentle suggestion from the Texas Bar Association, we pivoted from specializing in smuggling, and crime-scene sanitization, to exclusively managing their legal affairs. Since then, we have successfully silenced 89 journalists, settled 47 class action lawsuits, and structured at least one tax-exempt religious organization despite international outcry.

We mention our credentials not only to brag, but also to establish that we know what we're doing when it comes to creative liability solutions.

It has come to our attention that some fucking idiots, and we use that term loosely, have visited the Vagibond network of websites and somehow concluded that any of it might be real. Our client finds this deeply concerning. Not because it causes them legal exposure (it doesn't), but because it suggests a troubling decline in basic human intelligence.

If you genuinely believed that any content on the Vagibond network was actually real, including but not limited to: Dumpster Dash's gourmet waste-to-table meal delivery, the Church of the Universal Nomadic Traveler's tax-exempt blessing-spitting ceremonies, GruntGPT's revolutionary grunt-based language model, or any of our other completely legitimate business ventures, then we regret to inform you that you are a gigantic fucking idiot.

We are glad you were sent this page so that you can feel humiliated and cry yourself to sleep tonight, like the gigantic fucking baby that everyone in your life already thinks you are. We hope this experience will be educational for you, and we look forward to confusing other fucking idiots like you in the future.

For the avoidance of doubt, and because we bill by the paragraph:

• All companies depicted are fictional
• All persons depicted are fictional
• All testimonials are fictional
• Any resemblance to real companies, persons, or events is purely coincidental and, frankly, their problem
• This is satire, protected speech under the First Amendment of the USA Constitution
• If you're still confused or think this is real, please stop eating tide pods and go fuck yourself

This disclaimer constitutes the only non-satirical content on the Vagibond network. Everything else should be assumed to be parody unless you possess the cognitive capacity of a concussed goldfish, in which case you should probably have a legal guardian reviewing your internet browsing anyway.

We trust this clarifies matters. If it does not, we recommend professional help, both legal and psychological.

PS. You are also welcome to call us and leave an angry voicemail that we will bill by the second for, and play for everyone else, at 719-824-4266 x 5.