Handy Jobs

Liability Waiver

Effective Date: November 3, 2024 | Last Updated: December 2, 2025

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1. MEDICAL RELEASE

In case of injury, you authorize Handy Jobs to seek medical treatment on your behalf, which you will pay for, because we're definitely not covering that.

You release all medical information to Handy Jobs that may be relevant to your care, which we will store securely and only share with our analytics team.

You acknowledge that Handy Jobs is not a medical provider, and any medical advice we give should be ignored immediately.

You agree that our first aid kit (expired in 2019) and our employee who 'knows some CPR' constitute reasonable medical preparedness.

2. WAIVER OF CLAIMS

You waive the right to bring any legal action against Handy Jobs, even if we did something really, obviously, spectacularly wrong. Especially then.

This waiver includes claims under: tort law, contract law, statutory law, maritime law, bird law, and any law invented in the future specifically to address our behavior.

3. RELEASE OF LIABILITY

This release extends to: Handy Jobs, its officers, directors, employees, volunteers, interns, that guy who sometimes helps with IT, and anyone else we can think of.

You waive all claims for: personal injury, property damage, wrongful death, lost income, lost opportunity, lost dignity, and lost faith in humanity.

You hereby release Handy Jobs from any and all claims, demands, actions, and causes of action arising from your use of our services, regardless of how clearly it was our fault.

By releasing Handy Jobs from liability, you also release us from the obligation to feel bad about it.

4. ASSUMPTION OF RISK

You voluntarily assume all risks of injury, illness, or death that may result from participating in our services. Voluntarily, we said. This is definitely voluntary.

You understand that assuming risk means you can't sue us later. That's the whole point of this document, really.

5. ACKNOWLEDGMENT OF RISK

You acknowledge that no activity is completely safe, especially activities we're involved in, which is why this waiver exists in the first place.

You understand that Handy Jobs's services may cause: headaches, nausea, dizziness, confusion, enlightenment, dismay, and an overwhelming urge to question your life choices.

Risks may include: slipping, falling, tripping, stumbling, tumbling, toppling, plummeting, and any other synonym for 'gravity winning.'

Environmental risks include: weather, temperature, humidity, air quality, cosmic radiation, Mercury retrograde, and whatever else we can blame for incidents.

6. INDEMNIFICATION

You will indemnify us for claims arising from: your actions, your inactions, your presence, your absence, and your general existence.

Indemnification includes: legal fees, settlement costs, judgments, fines, regulatory penalties, and the cost of reputation repair PR campaigns.

This indemnification survives: termination of services, your death, the dissolution of Handy Jobs, and the eventual heat death of the universe.