Dumpster Dash

Liability Waiver

Effective Date: March 19, 2024 | Last Updated: June 10, 2025

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1. ACKNOWLEDGMENT OF RISK

You understand that Dumpster Dash's services may cause: headaches, nausea, dizziness, confusion, enlightenment, dismay, and an overwhelming urge to question your life choices.

Risks may include: slipping, falling, tripping, stumbling, tumbling, toppling, plummeting, and any other synonym for 'gravity winning.'

2. ASSUMPTION OF RISK

You understand that assuming risk means you can't sue us later. That's the whole point of this document, really.

Risk assumption includes: risks arising from our negligence, our gross negligence, our employees' negligence, and negligence of people who once walked past our building.

You assume all risks, known and unknown, foreseen and unforeseen, imagined and unimagined, real and theoretical, in this dimension and all parallel dimensions.

3. INDEMNIFICATION

You agree to indemnify, defend, and hold harmless Dumpster Dash from any claims by you, your family, your lawyer, or anyone you've ever met.

Indemnification includes: legal fees, settlement costs, judgments, fines, regulatory penalties, and the cost of reputation repair PR campaigns.

You will indemnify us for claims arising from: your actions, your inactions, your presence, your absence, and your general existence.

4. MEDICAL RELEASE

You acknowledge that Dumpster Dash is not a medical provider, and any medical advice we give should be ignored immediately.

You agree that our first aid kit (expired in 2019) and our employee who 'knows some CPR' constitute reasonable medical preparedness.

If you have pre-existing conditions, it's your responsibility to disclose them. If you don't, we'll just assume any issues were pre-existing anyway.

You release all medical information to Dumpster Dash that may be relevant to your care, which we will store securely and only share with our analytics team.

5. RELEASE OF LIABILITY

You hereby release Dumpster Dash from any and all claims, demands, actions, and causes of action arising from your use of our services, regardless of how clearly it was our fault.

This release is binding upon you, your heirs, your executors, your administrators, and your descendants for the next seven generations.

This release extends to: Dumpster Dash, its officers, directors, employees, volunteers, interns, that guy who sometimes helps with IT, and anyone else we can think of.

You waive all claims for: personal injury, property damage, wrongful death, lost income, lost opportunity, lost dignity, and lost faith in humanity.

6. WAIVER OF CLAIMS

Should you bring a claim despite this waiver, you agree to pay all legal fees, court costs, and the emotional toll on our legal team.

This waiver includes claims under: tort law, contract law, statutory law, maritime law, bird law, and any law invented in the future specifically to address our behavior.