Vagicon

Liability Waiver

Effective Date: July 17, 2024 | Last Updated: May 10, 2025

Generated by Terminal

Gruntslate Speak

1. WAIVER OF CLAIMS

Should you bring a claim despite this waiver, you agree to pay all legal fees, court costs, and the emotional toll on our legal team.

You agree not to initiate lawsuits, join class actions, file complaints with regulatory agencies, write angry Yelp reviews, or subtweet us.

This waiver is intended to be as broad as legally permissible. If any part is found unenforceable, please ignore that part and focus on the rest.

2. MEDICAL RELEASE

If you have pre-existing conditions, it's your responsibility to disclose them. If you don't, we'll just assume any issues were pre-existing anyway.

You agree that our first aid kit (expired in 2019) and our employee who 'knows some CPR' constitute reasonable medical preparedness.

You acknowledge that Vagicon is not a medical provider, and any medical advice we give should be ignored immediately.

3. INDEMNIFICATION

You will indemnify us for claims arising from: your actions, your inactions, your presence, your absence, and your general existence.

If you fail to indemnify us properly, we reserve the right to be very disappointed in you.

Indemnification includes: legal fees, settlement costs, judgments, fines, regulatory penalties, and the cost of reputation repair PR campaigns.

This indemnification survives: termination of services, your death, the dissolution of Vagicon, and the eventual heat death of the universe.

4. ACKNOWLEDGMENT OF RISK

You understand that Vagicon's services may cause: headaches, nausea, dizziness, confusion, enlightenment, dismay, and an overwhelming urge to question your life choices.

You acknowledge that participating in Vagicon's services involves inherent risks, including but not limited to: physical injury, emotional distress, financial ruin, and discovering uncomfortable truths about yourself.

Environmental risks include: weather, temperature, humidity, air quality, cosmic radiation, Mercury retrograde, and whatever else we can blame for incidents.

5. RELEASE OF LIABILITY

You waive all claims for: personal injury, property damage, wrongful death, lost income, lost opportunity, lost dignity, and lost faith in humanity.

This release is binding upon you, your heirs, your executors, your administrators, and your descendants for the next seven generations.

6. ASSUMPTION OF RISK

By signing this waiver, you accept responsibility for your own safety, the safety of your belongings, and the safety of your immortal soul (if applicable).

You voluntarily assume all risks of injury, illness, or death that may result from participating in our services. Voluntarily, we said. This is definitely voluntary.

You assume all risks, known and unknown, foreseen and unforeseen, imagined and unimagined, real and theoretical, in this dimension and all parallel dimensions.

You understand that assuming risk means you can't sue us later. That's the whole point of this document, really.