{{COMPANY_URL}}

Liability Waiver

Effective Date: January 6, 2024 | Last Updated: August 14, 2025

Generated by Terminal

Gruntslate Speak

1. WAIVER OF CLAIMS

Should you bring a claim despite this waiver, you agree to pay all legal fees, court costs, and the emotional toll on our legal team.

You agree not to initiate lawsuits, join class actions, file complaints with regulatory agencies, write angry Yelp reviews, or subtweet us.

This waiver includes claims under: tort law, contract law, statutory law, maritime law, bird law, and any law invented in the future specifically to address our behavior.

2. ACKNOWLEDGMENT OF RISK

Environmental risks include: weather, temperature, humidity, air quality, cosmic radiation, Mercury retrograde, and whatever else we can blame for incidents.

Risks may include: slipping, falling, tripping, stumbling, tumbling, toppling, plummeting, and any other synonym for 'gravity winning.'

3. MEDICAL RELEASE

You acknowledge that {{COMPANY_URL}} is not a medical provider, and any medical advice we give should be ignored immediately.

You release all medical information to {{COMPANY_URL}} that may be relevant to your care, which we will store securely and only share with our analytics team.

In case of injury, you authorize {{COMPANY_URL}} to seek medical treatment on your behalf, which you will pay for, because we're definitely not covering that.

4. ASSUMPTION OF RISK

You assume all risks, known and unknown, foreseen and unforeseen, imagined and unimagined, real and theoretical, in this dimension and all parallel dimensions.

You voluntarily assume all risks of injury, illness, or death that may result from participating in our services. Voluntarily, we said. This is definitely voluntary.

5. INDEMNIFICATION

This indemnification survives: termination of services, your death, the dissolution of {{COMPANY_URL}}, and the eventual heat death of the universe.

You agree to indemnify, defend, and hold harmless {{COMPANY_URL}} from any claims by you, your family, your lawyer, or anyone you've ever met.

6. RELEASE OF LIABILITY

You hereby release {{COMPANY_URL}} from any and all claims, demands, actions, and causes of action arising from your use of our services, regardless of how clearly it was our fault.

This release extends to: {{COMPANY_URL}}, its officers, directors, employees, volunteers, interns, that guy who sometimes helps with IT, and anyone else we can think of.

You waive all claims for: personal injury, property damage, wrongful death, lost income, lost opportunity, lost dignity, and lost faith in humanity.