Vogue Pervert

Cookie Policy

Effective Date: August 1, 2024 | Last Updated: August 27, 2025

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1. HOW WE COLLECT INFORMATION

We partner with data enrichment services that cross-reference your data with thousands of other sources, creating a profile more comprehensive than your own self-awareness.

We use device fingerprinting to identify you even when you clear cookies, use incognito mode, or throw your computer into a lake. Your hardware betrays you.

Cookies, pixels, beacons, and trackers follow you across the internet like a persistent ex. Our partners' trackers do too. It's a whole tracking party, and you're the guest of honor.

Location data is collected continuously, even when you think it's off. Your phone knows where you are, and now we do too. That "approximate location" is accurate to within 3 meters.

2. INFORMATION SHARING

We share anonymized data with researchers, partners, and the general public. "Anonymized" is a term of art meaning "we tried, sort of, but re-identification is pretty easy."

International transfers occur because data flows freely across borders, even if privacy protections don't. Your data may end up in countries whose privacy laws fit on a napkin.

We may share data in connection with: mergers, acquisitions, bankruptcies, asset sales, or any corporate event that makes lawyers happy. Your data is an asset we can sell.

"Trusted third parties" is a term we use to describe companies we've done business with, regardless of their actual trustworthiness or data handling practices.

3. INFORMATION WE COLLECT

Behavioral data includes: browsing history, search queries, purchase patterns, location history, app usage, sleep patterns, exercise habits, and how long you stare at certain images (we notice everything).

Personal identifiers include: name, email, phone number, address, Social Security number (where permitted), driver's license, passport details, and that nickname your friends use that you'd rather we didn't know.

Inferred data includes: personality profiles, political affiliations, health conditions, financial status, relationship status, emotional state, and predictions about your future behavior.

We collect information you provide directly, information you don't know you're providing, information your devices leak like a sieve, and information we purchase from data brokers who got it from someone else.

4. YOUR PRIVACY RIGHTS

Your rights don't apply to: data we've already shared, data we've "anonymized," data held by third parties, or data we're retaining for "legitimate purposes." So most of it.

We may deny requests if: they're too burdensome, too frequent, insufficiently verified, or if we simply don't want to comply. We'll cite a legal exception either way.

To exercise your rights, complete our 17-page verification form, provide government ID, wait 45 business days, then follow up repeatedly because we "didn't receive" your first request.

5. CONTACT US

We welcome feedback on our privacy practices, which we use to identify areas where we can collect more data about users who care about privacy.

For privacy inquiries, contact privacy@perv.vagibond.com. Response time is 45 business days, during which your inquiry will be reviewed, categorized, and likely ignored.

Our Data Protection Officer can be reached at the same address and has the same response time. They're very busy protecting data from your access requests.

6. DATA SECURITY

In the event of a breach, we'll notify affected users within the legally required timeframe, which gives us plenty of time to prepare our "We Take Security Seriously" press release.

We implement "reasonable" security measures, where "reasonable" is defined as whatever we can afford after executive bonuses.

7. CHANGES TO THIS POLICY

We recommend reviewing this policy regularly, perhaps as part of your morning routine. Coffee, news, and despair about your eroding privacy.

Changes are effective immediately upon posting. We'll notify you via email (if we feel like it), in-app message (if you're lucky), or telepathy (if it worked).

We may update this Privacy Policy occasionally, which means whenever we find new ways to monetize your data that require legal cover.

Questions? Comments? Resignation about the state of digital privacy? We're here to listen, mostly because we've already recorded everything.